Neata / Morning

Dimineata… de fapt e pranzul deja.. Am deschis ochii prima data la 7.30, insa m-am hotarat sa nu mai topai prin casa degeaba, asa ca m-am intors pe partea cealalta. Nu prea am dormit mult in ultimele zile. Multa treaba, mintea ocupata. Primul lucru: cafeaua. Deschid laptopul. Parca sunt intr-o dezordine totala. De mult nu am mai avut 400 de mailuri, pe care doar le privesc pierduta. Ce-i drept raspund la cele importane, restul sunt acolo. As putea sa le sterg, dar nah.. Maine. Primesc foarte multe aprecieri pentru locul acesta magic al meu, unde imi astern gandurile din cand in cand. Va multumesc. Si mai ales va multumesc pentru toate incurajarile. Am sa incerc sa nu ma opresc. Uite, si chestia asta mi-a facut dimineata mai frumoasa. Sincer, aseara inainte sa adorm, imi notasem in gand cateva chestii, sa le scriu astazi de dimineata, dar le-am uitat. Ca de obicei, nu le-am scris nicaieri. Eh.. Mi le aduc eu aminte la momentul potrivit.

Fac un dus repede, ma machiez, imi prind parul rebel..nu am ajuns la coafor..maine. Cred ca am folosit cuvantul asta “maine” in ultimul timp mai mult ca niciodata. Tot timpul am fost destul de organizata, mereu cu agenta si cu pixul in mana, cu ochii pe ceas si niciodata in intarziere. De intarziat nu intarzii nici acum, dar parca mi se pare ca unele lucruri se pot rezolva singure. Cum ar fi becul de la intrare din casa. Cred ca s-a ars de vreo 2 saptamani. In fiecare zi intru in casa, ma uit la el si zambesc. Parca il rog sa se aprinda, sau sa se intample o minune. Bine, atata timp cat este lumina in casa, de ce m-ar incurca un bec ars?!

Asa a decurs prima parte a zilei pentru mine. M-am uitat pe geam, e urat afara. Soarele parca incearca sa se lupte cu norii, dar nu reuseste. Deja trebuie sa uit toate rochiile, fustele si sandalele. Bine.. nu toate.. dar majoritatea. Vorba aia..curatenie de toamna. Eu personal, ma leg foarte mult de toate obiectele vestimentare pe care le port. Unele dintre ele le port in mod excesiv, fara nicio logica. Altele niciodata. Sunt atatea chestii care au trecut tesul curateniei si au ramas in dressing-ul meu. Bine, trebuie subliniat faptul ca am avut norocul sa raman la aceasi greutate de cativa ani incoace. Deci, blugii aia de acum 7 ani, demodati probabil pentru unii, eu ii accesorizez perfect cu ceva nou sau vintage. Si cred ca au castigat de multe ori in fata celei mai recente perechi de blugi, mult mai scumpa, mai fitoasa si mai de firma. Leg amintiri si momente. Sunt superstitioasa. Cred ca in ultimii ani, la fiecare examen am avut aceasi camasa. Si intr-un mod ciudat.. mi-a purtat noroc. Am si o repulsie fata de unele haine.. dar nici pe acelea nu le pot da la o parte. Chiar daca ma uit la ele si imi amintesc fel si fel de lucruri mai putin placute, toate fac parte din viata mea si trebuie sa le accept. Si atunci, am avut ceva de invatat.

Sunt dezordonata. O recunosc si o accept. Nu am grija de haine, de genti, de pantofi.. Oricat de scumpe sau oricat de importante ar fi pentru mine.. Si mai ales, din cauza faptului ca niciodata nu am avut un singur loc, intr-un singur oras, niciodata nu am avut ce imi trebuia, la locul si momentul respectiv. Si mereu ma uitam pierduta in sifonier si ma gandeam cum ar fi, sa iti poti cumpara cate 3-4 rochii la fel, sau pantofi, sau genti.. Si sa le ai in fiecare casa. Sa nu iti lipseasca niciodata nimic. Absurd stiu.. dar cateodata mintea mea o ia razna. Hainele astea, imi mananca viata si banii..

Sunt multe persoane care nu pun accent pe partea asta, sincer, bravo lor! Cand am ajuns in China, eram transpirata toata, nervoasa si cu mainile pline si cu un carucior imens. Am plecat cu 3 geamantane. Am ajuns la hotel, unde mi-am cunoscut colegele. Imi venea sa intru in pamant. Cu ce eram eu mai speciala? Cu nimic, in momentul acela eram toate la fel. Si petrecand acolo ceva timp mi-am dat seama ca putine erau persoanele care observau ca purtam o alta pereche de pantofi de cate ori ieseam si bineinteles geanta era tot timpul in tandem. Ah, si neaparat rochia mereu alta, purtata doar o data. Mda.. nu stiu ce gandeau ei, dar eu ma simteam bine. Totul timpul senzatia de nou si de asortare perfecta ma facea sa merg cu spatele drept si privirea inainte. Pentru ca vorba aia.. Haina nu il face pe om, dar il pune in evidenta.

 

 

 

 

 

Morning!… actually, it’s noon already.. I first opened my eyes at 7.30 a.m., however I’ve decided not to walk around the house for nothing, therefore I turned on the other side.  I haven’t slept much these last few days. A lot of work, busy mind. First thing first: my coffee. I turn on my laptop. It’s as if I’m in a total mess. It’s been a while since I’ve had 400 emails, which I am hopelessly looking at. It’s true that I reply to the most important ones, leaving the rest where they are. I could delete them, but anyway.. Tomorrow. I get so many appreciations for this magical place of mine, where I lay down my thoughts on an occasional basis. Thank you all for this. And most of all I hereby thank  you all for your encouraging words. I shall try not to stop here. See, even this has made my morning a whole lot brighter. Honestly, last night before I fell asleep, I had written down in my mind a couple of things, so as to write them today, however, I forgot them. Just as usual, I haven’t written them down anywhere. Well,… they will come back to me when the time is right.

 

I’ll take a quick shower, put my make – up on, make a ponytail..I haven’t had the time to go to the hairdresser’s … I’ll leave it for tomorrow. I think lately I’ve used this word “tomorrow” more than ever. I’ve been pretty organized my entire time, always having an agenda and a ball point pen in my hand, always looking at my watch and never being late. In terms of being late, I’m never late now either, but it just seems to me that some things have a way of solving themselves. Such as the bulb from the entrance to my home. I believe there are about 2 weeks since it got burned. Every day I come into the house, take a look at it and smile. It’s as if I kindly ask it to light up, or for any miracle to happen. Well, as long as it’s bright and light in the house, why would I be bothered by a burned bulb?!

 

That’s how the first half of the day went on for me. I looked outside the window, it’s not nice outside. The sun seemed to be fighting with the clouds, however he doesn’t seem to make it. It’s already the time for me to forget about dresses, skirts and sandals. Well….not all of them….however, most of them. You know what they say… fall cleaning. I personally have a very close connection with all my clothing articles that I’m wearing. I have to admit I’m wearing some of them in an excessive manner, with no logic whatsoever. Others I never wear. There are so many things which have passed the cleaning test and have remained in my dressing. Well, I have to underline the fact that I’m lucky to maintain the same weight for a few years now. Thus, those 7 year old jeans, which are probably out of fashion for some people, I for one can perfectly accessorize them with something new or vintage. And I believe there have been many times when my jeans have come before some more recent pair of jeans, or a more expensive one, or more fussy or more brand – like. I make connections between memories and moments. I’m superstitious. I believe in the recent years, at every single exam I have had the same shirt. And in a strange way …it brought me luck. I do have a repulsion towards certain clothes..however, I cannot remove them either. Even if I look at them and start reminding many and many things which are less nice, all of them are part of my life and I just have to accept them. And then, I did have something to learn and acquire.

 

I’m messy. I acknowledge and accept this fact. I don’t take care of clothes, of purses, of shoes.. no matter how expensive or how important they might be for me.. and particularly, because of the fact that I have never had only one place, in a single town, I have never had what I needed, at the said place and given time. And I was always desperately looking in my wardrobe and thinking how it might have been, to be able to purchaser 3 – 4 dresses of the same type, or shoes, or purses.. and to have and keep in every single house. Never to be missing anything. Absurd I know..but sometimes my mind goes crazy. These clothes are absolutely eating both my life and my money..

 

There are many people who don’t focus at all on this part, we, honestly, good for them! When I got to China, I was all sweaty, nervous and with my hands full and carrying a huge push cart. I left with 3 suitcases. I got to the hotel, where I got acquainted with my colleagues. I felt I wanted to bury my head into the ground. How was I more special? Nothing made me special, at that particular time, we were all alike. And after spending some time over there,  I realized there were few people noticing that I was wearing another pair of shoes anytime I went out and of course the bag that was always a match. Ah, and my dress was necessarily always different, worn only once. Yeah..I don’t know what they were thinking, however I felt really good. Every time the feeling of something new and of a perfect match made me walk with my back straight and look forward. Because you know what they say.. Clothes don’t make the man, but it helps.